Friday, March 4, 2011
So today we had a follow-up appointment scheduled with a maternal fetal specialist that was set-up by our regular Ob/Gyn. We went in with a list of questions for this specialist and my biggest anxiety was just going back to the same place where Leia was born and where all of our OB/GYN appointments were scheduled. My anxiety level was very high and just parking the car and walking the same route that I used to when Leia was in my belly had me filled with such emotion. Ironically, call it the universe speaking to me or something just peculiar because as I was nearing the stairs of the parking deck a woman in her car called out to me. She was looking for a specific hospital and needed a shuttle. I explained to her that she needed to go down a level and that she would find the shuttle and handicapped parking. So the rest of my walk had me thinking about the woman and hoping she'd find what she needed. So was this Leia sending someone to me so that I would be distracted? In all my trips to the hospital I have never had an encounter like that. Anyways the appointment with this specialist went as well as it could. In the end everything he told and explained to us wasn't going to bring Leia back. We must accept what has happened and try to move on with our lives. I did feel this specialist was the most compassionate that we have encountered along this journey and seemed like he really cared about Leia and wanted to help us. He spent a great deal of time with us and that in itself meant so much to me. As I was leaving the hospital it happened again, this time an older man asked me where I could find a certain address of the hospital and while I couldn't help him with what he was specifically looking for I was able to direct him to one of the hospital entrances and told him that he would find a help desk just inside the doors. So twice today I had people ask me things and gave me some distraction. It's as if she is beside me and trying to help me along. I know this may sound bizarre but in some weird way it just feels good.