Monday, March 28, 2011

A Long Day

I had all weekend with the hubs but today has been long as he had a work commitment that won't bring him home till at least 8 or 9pm. I've tried to keep myself occupied most of the day with doing things around the house. I even hit the gym for an hour this morning. I never used to be this way before. I'd travel for work or go see family with no issue but now when we are separated for so long I start to panic if I've not heard from him. I think the worst and then I go to "that" place of thinking what I would do if something happened to him. Why? Why do I do this to myself? I used to be independent, freely coming and going, happy, satisfied, outgoing, fun and laughing. Now I am a prisoner in my own home. As my sister told me today she doesn't want to see me "holing up" in the house. That is what is happening. I don't want to be this way but how do you go out into a world that has everything that you wanted?

On another note a therapist just called me back. I am finally set-up for an appointment with a woman that was recommended by a friend. It has been quite an ordeal to find a person who takes our insurance or is considered in-network. I love our insurance (sarcastic). I have talked with a grief counselor, seen a psychiatrist who wanted to put me on medication and now I'll try a therapist. I hope to get some things sorted out and hopefully having an outside person with another perspective will help.

Tomorrow is a Tuesday. The day of the week that is the hardest and my only day out of the house this week. I've booked the day with a car check-up, errands and a much needed lunch with a good friend that I used to work with in another state. We now live an hour apart and get together occasionally. This will be the first time I have seen her since the shower for Leia last fall. I am a little apprehensive but this friend has been very supportive and taken the time to call me several times since January. She cares and is extending herself to spend time with me and I so appreciate that.



  1. I'm glad you scheduled an "out" day on the hardest day of the week for you.
    You have to take care not to "hole" up in your house all the time, though I'm guilty of doing it too. The idea of getting up and out is overwhelming, I know. But don't you feel better after you do? :)

    I hope this therapist works out for you. I'm always weary of the over-medication psychiatrists.

  2. I see a grief counselor--I was not down with medication, either. I will consider it if I don't get better eventually, but right now, I think what I'm feeling is normal. I am just trying to deal with my feelings and get them out in counseling and on my blog. I hope the new therapist is helpful for you. And I'm glad you added a profile pic! Always nice to put a face to the words! Will be thinking of you on your bad day tomorrow!

  3. ((hugs)) I'll say and extra prayer for you tomorrow...