Mother and Child

I watched a movie today that I probably shouldn't have but I found it on Netflix recently and wanted to check it out. It is a movie about a woman giving up her child at a very young age for adoption and how she has dealt with it in her life. It also connects other stories and characters dealing with babies and birth. There were many moments when I was totally relating as well as crying myself through it. You see, I am adopted myself and was adopted by my parents at the age of six months. I knew from a very young age that I was adopted and it is part of my reason as to why I have always wanted to be able to have my own child so that I could experience motherhood as well as have an extension of myself. I know this is probably sounding selfish however unless you have been adopted I don't think you can truly understand. I am not sure how it is to explain but not having anyone else in your family that you resemble or look like can be very hard. Please do not get me wrong because my adoptive parents and family are great however I think there is something about being adopted and it feels like you are missing a piece of yourself. There is a sense of not fitting in or feeling like you are lost since as in my case I have never met my birth mother. I have searched for her and was adopted in a state that does not allow open records so I will probably never meet her. So today I am thinking most about how I am adopted and how much I/we really wanted our Leia Grace and that she meant so much to us, like I was gaining a family member that I so wanted to connect with and be able to raise, mold and all the other things you do with your child. I am not sure what the future holds for us however I do know that I love and think of Leia Grace every waking second and know that she is with me along the rest of our life journey. I wish things had turned out differently and that she was here with us.