Monday, March 14, 2011

Do I Have Children?

Up until now I was never bothered by someone asking me the question if I had any children but now when I am asked this question I don't know quite how to answer. I could say, "Yes I do have a child but she is not living". Or the much easier answer is to say "No" and move on with it. I have chosen the latter. The main reason is because I have had random acquaintances ask me this question and just don't feel like getting into my story with someone I really don't know that well. But getting back to my point, it hurts when I am asked if I have children. I was so ready to be a Mommy, had planned to stay home and raise our daughter till she was the age of being able to go to pre-school or school. I have been preparing for this part of my so wanted life for the past several years and now it is all gone. So instead I am job searching and went to a "trial" job session this morning. I will hear back by the end of this week but I guess the real question for myself is if I am ready for a full-time job at this point. I guess I will know when I get the call and try to decide then and discuss with my hubs. Moving on in life and trying to grieve for Leia. It all hurts so much. I wish someone could take the pain away. Love and missing you dear Leia Grace.


  1. This is a difficult question for all of us who have lost children. I tell strangers no because I just don't want to get into it. I don't feel too guilty because really it's none of their business.

    It gets harder when I meet new people though. I want to share my story, but don't want to scare them off or make them feel uncomfortable. Funny how even in in grief, we try to make others feel comfortable.

  2. Understood. The whole reason I'm not full time is because I fully intended to have a 3-month old little boy right now. I should. But instead I'm back to working part time and the rest of my friends and family ask why I won't consider full time. Well, because I want to be a mom and not working this stupid job. :(