Monday, March 14, 2011

Do I Have Children?

Up until now I was never bothered by someone asking me the question if I had any children but now when I am asked this question I don't know quite how to answer. I could say, "Yes I do have a child but she is not living". Or the much easier answer is to say "No" and move on with it. I have chosen the latter. The main reason is because I have had random acquaintances ask me this question and just don't feel like getting into my story with someone I really don't know that well. But getting back to my point, it hurts when I am asked if I have children. I was so ready to be a Mommy, had planned to stay home and raise our daughter till she was the age of being able to go to pre-school or school. I have been preparing for this part of my so wanted life for the past several years and now it is all gone. So instead I am job searching and went to a "trial" job session this morning. I will hear back by the end of this week but I guess the real question for myself is if I am ready for a full-time job at this point. I guess I will know when I get the call and try to decide then and discuss with my hubs. Moving on in life and trying to grieve for Leia. It all hurts so much. I wish someone could take the pain away. Love and missing you dear Leia Grace.
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2 comments:

  1. My New NormalMarch 15, 2011 at 6:12 AM

    This is a difficult question for all of us who have lost children. I tell strangers no because I just don't want to get into it. I don't feel too guilty because really it's none of their business.

    It gets harder when I meet new people though. I want to share my story, but don't want to scare them off or make them feel uncomfortable. Funny how even in in grief, we try to make others feel comfortable.

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  2. B. Wilson @ Windy {City} WilsonsMarch 15, 2011 at 6:42 PM

    Understood. The whole reason I'm not full time is because I fully intended to have a 3-month old little boy right now. I should. But instead I'm back to working part time and the rest of my friends and family ask why I won't consider full time. Well, because I want to be a mom and not working this stupid job. :(

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