Sunday, February 26, 2012

Ultrasound and Doctor Appointment

This past Friday we went in for our scheduled ultrasound to check for baby's growth and development. All is on track at this point. Baby is weighing 2 pounds, 12 ounces and measuring one day ahead. We were able to hear the heartbeat and it was measured at 155 bpm. There is an issue with one kidney but the specialist who reviewed our ultrasound and our doctor seem to think it will work itself out in the next few weeks. They will check again at our next ultrasound that we have scheduled in five weeks. We are not too worried about this and our doctor said it is common to see this with many babies and he is not worried. He explained to us what would happen it if doesn't go away which would mean some minor surgery after the baby is born. 

As in my last ultrasound I found it again very emotional. I was wiping away tears and trying not to think about the many ultrasounds I had in the same hospital with Leia. Fortunately, we had the same technician that we had seen back in October and she was very nice and seemed to understand our concerns. I have scheduled our next ultrasound at another location so hoping that goes better next month. We also had our monthly doctor appointment and he again checked everything out that had happened to me a few weeks ago and seemed to think it was probably just a one-time occurrence and that I just need to be a little more careful and make sure I stay hydrated. I felt so much more at ease after talking with him and he really seems to get where we are coming from and always seems to take so much time with us and so understanding. I also passed the gestational diabetes test and I am not anemic so no need for extra iron supplements at this point. Overall it was a good appointment and we will go back in another three weeks. He did go over kick counts and when he wants me to do them and his detailed instructions. I am really going to take this very seriously this pregnancy and track them diligently and have the sheet hanging on our fridge that the hospital gave us to update each day. I will do them each night about half an hour after our dinner. He explained what I would need to do if there is an issue or if I see decreased activity with the baby. I did kick counts with Leia but never wrote down or was consistent with the time of day that I did them. I think sometimes I failed Leia because if I had been more serious about the kick counts that they would have detected her decreased growth, etc. I will always wonder about this.

I put in below a picture of our little one and as you can see their hand is up and kind of waving. I like to think of him/her as waving at us. It really was nice to see and hear our baby last Friday. Just hoping all continues to go well with the pregnancy and that in about 12 weeks (give or take), we get to meet him/her in-person.

Happy Sunday everyone and hope your enjoying the weekend!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Third Trimester

Another trimester down and officially in our third trimester as of today! This past week went by fast and I only felt off one day and that was Wednesday. I came home and rested on our couch till my hubs got home from work. We ran errands yesterday together and today I am just taking it easy. It is a rainy and dreary day here and I am going to try finish reading a book that I started last October. I must get it read! We even have a wintery storm warning that starts this afternoon at 3pm. It is a good day to stay home and relax.

Tuesday was the big V-Day. We had planned to go out to dinner at a restaurant that we had got a gift certificate to back during the holidays. I wanted to cancel but my hubs insisted that we go. I went on one condition that he would leave work early and drive home to get me as I didn't want to make the drive to the place alone and drive home alone at night when dark. So he did and we went. We had a wonderful meal even though I was self-conscious about my one eye that had a blood vessel pop and show up on Sunday. It is all better now but it really looked bad for several days. We went to a french restaurant and the only other time we have frequented this place is when my father-in-law treated us to a dinner there several years back. It is such a cute little place and they were packed. I enjoyed artichoke cream soup and beef wellington in a puff pastry. My hubs had a lovely seafood dish and we ended the evening with a lavender creme brûlée and chocolate almond torte. It really was a nice evening out and really grateful that my husband coerced me into going. He reminded me that hopefully our future V-Day's will be filled with a little offspring that will be consuming our time and that we should take advantage of this time to go out and do things like this. I hope he is right. 

               Restaurant from outside, it is such a cute and romantic little place.

                                      Some lovely rose from my hubs.

Green tea that I got my hubs. I got him another kind but he has taken it to work already and loves it.

The best chocolate indulgence on earth, in my opinion. We found this at at xmas and has become a staple in our pantry though I do try to limit myself as much as possible. 

We have an ultrasound coming up this Friday and regular doctor appointment. At the ultrasound they will check for growth of our baby and hopefully be able to tell us that everything is on track. I have been feeling lots of movement and it really is a joy to know our baby is getting more active. I will start doing kick counts next weekend after I get some more information from my doctor. I’d like to know the best time to do them or what his suggestions are, as I really want to keep track of them this pregnancy and monitor them closely. Anything I can do to ensure bringing home our baby alive and well.

Next weekend we are invited to a friend’s for the birthday party of their 4-year old little boy. I wish we could go but we have decided it is just not going to happen. They are having a bouncy house and have asked guests to dress up for the party. For one, I am not big on dressing up for parties and secondly at this point of a pregnancy I just can’t be around little kids and all the fun going on. I wish I could, but just can’t. Also the lady who had a baby a month before our Leia was born will also be there and just can’t stand the thought of getting into a place or state of mind where I will be thinking about how she should be here too. I hope they understand and I know they will but it is still HARD. Their house is also right next to ours so we’ve already planned that I will go into work with my hubs and I’m going to hang out or do some shopping rather than stay home and hear all the activities going on. I know I wrote about this same subject last year and we didn’t go to the party then either. Someday I hope to be able to go to these kinds of things again. It’s funny how some things can be such a trigger.

I had a friend over the other night and she was telling me how I deserve to be excited for this pregnancy. It is easy for her to say this because she has never had a baby loss. She fortunately has two little boys and has had two perfect pregnancies that resulted in good outcomes. I know she meant well with what she was trying to convey but unless you have experienced the loss of your little one I just don’t think others get it. I didn’t say much to her about it other than I just wanted to make it to May and have everything be well. I try to shop and look for things and be excited, but it is hard. How can you prepare when you are not sure all will be okay? I am a planner and always have been. Maybe a month from now will be different but I get it when other BLM’s say they can’t do anything with the nursery or their baby’s room. I want to but I went in to Leia’s room Friday night and I just kept thinking about all the things she never got to use or wear.  It just isn’t fair.

So I end this post with thinking of the many other BLM’s on this same road. Some of you are close to your due date and I SO hope to be reading good news in coming weeks. Some of you are on bed rest and I wish you nothing but relaxing days to come and that you have a happy ending. Some of you are just a week ahead of me or on the same track and so hope we all continue on good paths and that our pregnancies end in good outcomes. Some of you are trying and going through fertility treatments. Have SO been there and understand your plight to get pregnant. I will be thinking of you all and hoping for good outcomes for everyone.  Hugs and good vibes to everyone!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Fainted and Trip to Labor/Delivery

Well yesterday was quite a traumatic and eventful day. The day had gone quick and was pretty busy up till I fainted/passed out in our home around 7:15pm. I woke up to my hubs above me looking at me and saying my name. It was like I had been in a deep sleep for hours. Just before I was lying on our couch when our dog asked to go outside and I asked my hubs to let him out and he told me he would do it in a few minutes since he was cleaning up from the mess in the kitchen I had made earlier. So the dog came to me a second time with this look that he couldn’t wait any longer so I got up and let him out our back door entrance that leads to a deck area. He always goes right off of the deck and is usually pretty quick to do his business and get back into the house. Just as I closed the door and felt the cold air on my face I started to feel light-headed and even said out loud that I felt like I was going to faint. I remember trying to make an attempt to get back to the couch I had been laying on because I thought if I was going to pass out that it would be the best place to do so. I didn’t make it. I fell back onto our hardwood floors resulting in a pretty sore spot on the top of my head and a bruised left elbow (I don’t know about anybody else out there that is preggers but I use that left elbow quite a bit to get up from bed and the couch).  So after coming to (was out for 2-3 minutes according to my hubs) I quickly started thinking about the baby and if everything was all right with him/her. My bottom pajamas were soaked and all I could think of immediately was that possibly my water had broken and that somehow the baby was injured or hurt during my fall and blackout. I was in a panic and quickly changed and was having my hubs drive us into Labor and Delivery at our hospital. I was not taking any chances and wanted to make sure everything was okay. It took us about 25-30 minutes to get to our hospital and upon getting checked in the nurse that saw me to my room quickly checked with a Doppler for the babe’s heartbeat and she got one very quickly. I was SO relieved at that point and happy to hear that sound! I didn’t care at that point if I was okay, I just wanted our baby to be okay and hearing the heartbeat was music to my ears. At that point they put a fetal monitor on my belly that could monitor the heartbeat and also looked for contractions. This was on me for about two hours while we waited for the OB doctor on-call that evening to perform an ultrasound.  During this time they also took some of my blood to test, performed an EKG and had me give a urine sample. Just before 11pm the OB on-call came who we had seen for a brief few moments earlier. It was not good. You see the OB on-call was the doctor we had with Leia and seeing him walk in to greet us and talk with us about what was going on was not so good for me. All I could think was I don’t want this doctor doing anything with this pregnancy. I just wanted to blurt out, “NO!” But I couldn’t or wouldn’t do that. I know they probably didn’t have another doctor on rotation that night but what were the odds that we would see him? It just was all TOO much having this doctor and was giving me flashbacks to the last time he had performed any kind of testing on me.  So he came back in to do an ultrasound and we were able to see our baby moving around and doing well. He checked the amniotic fluid to make sure it was at a good level and from everything he checked and measured it was good. He also checked my cervix to make sure that there were no contractions. So with the ultrasound testing done he left and then I was taken in for an MRI. Since I had fallen and hit my head they wanted to make sure that I wasn’t having anything internal going on and thankful they didn’t find anything other than seeing the external bruise on the top of my head. They are chalking it up to a vassal-vagel, low blood pressure or dehydration. We were back home by 1am and I was able to get some sleep part of the night but found it quite hard to lay just right without having some kind of pain. The doctor told me to take it easy the rest of this weekend and to check-in with our specialist first-thing on Monday who has been keep abreast of what happened and will be able to give me some more guidance or tell me if he wants me back in to see him before 2/24.  If there is anyone out there who has had something similar or experienced this kind of episode during a pregnancy, I would love to hear from you.

So with this event I have decided to really put myself first and scale back on several things. I am going to tell my work that I can only do part-time hours and really hold them to it. Just this past week the attorney had asked me to start working fewer hours and that sounded fine to me so I am really going to do this if not only for myself but for this baby and pregnancy. I am also going to do less around our house and just try to put the baby and myself first and think of that before trying to keep up with work, social commitments, etc. I will be 26 weeks tomorrow and just one-more week to getting to the third trimester. When we left our hospital last night the nurses told me they didn’t want to see me back till May. I just hope that is how it all works out for this pregnancy.

But back to the hospital part and our unexpected visit. I had been thinking through most of this pregnancy how I would handle being back on that floor again. I had mentally thought about how I had wanted to visit the floor one-day when I was in for a routine appointment. Obviously, I had not done this so being back there last night was my first time since last year. I am also thinking of how today is the 11th of the month and just 13 months ago how we were leaving that floor and hospital without our baby girl. While we were there I had some flashbacks and thought to how those three days there had gone. The actual delivery of Leia, all the nurses and doctors coming and going from the room, our extended family that had come by the hospital trying to give us comfort during those days. The card on the door discreetly signifying how you had lost a baby. It was all too much and I have been thinking about it most of today. How do I prepare for being back there in a few more months? If we had another option of delivering at another hospital we would jump at it but unfortunately our specialist only has privileges at this particular hospital and I really want him there for when I deliver with this pregnancy. It is all a little overwhelming and has given me a lot to think about today and going forward. I am just thankful and happy that all is okay for the moment. I hope I don’t have another episode like last night and that indeed our next time in the hospital is for the delivering of our baby.

Dear Leia,
I’ve been thinking so much of you today little girl. Our visit to the hospital made me think of last year and all that happened with you. We miss you every single day and will never forget you. I hope that one day we have a little brother or sister that we can tell them about you and how much we wanted and love you. You will always be our firstborn child and the missing part of our family. Love, Mommy

Sunday, February 5, 2012

25 Weeks and Other Ramblings

Today we hit 25 weeks for the pregnancy. We had a regular appointment with our OB specialist this past Friday. We were able to hear our baby’s heartbeat and see him/her wiggling around in my tummy. Heartbeat was 140 and doc said my amniotic fluid and placenta look good. It was a fairly routine and quick appointment but I am always happy to hear that lovely sounding heartbeat and know that for the moment all “SEEMS” to be going well. The next appointment is in 3 weeks and will be a biggie. They will do an ultrasound and check for growth of the baby and I will also have the GD test.  Therefore I was sent home with the lovely orange bottle that I need to drink just before my appointment with the specialist that will be after the ultrasound. I am not worried about the GD test as I passed it with flying colors with my pregnancy with Leia but will be glad to get it done and out of the way.

My ride into the appointment was thoughts of Leia. I always have her on my mind when I do this particular drive and go into the hospital where she was born. It gets easier every time but I still have thoughts of how she should be here. I so miss our little girl and think of her all the time.

Last weekend when we hit 24 weeks or 6-months I was looking at the tracker on my phone and starting to feel a little panicky since it clearing pointed out that we have 16-weeks remaining. I wanted to run out the next day and get all the remaining items and things we need but I know I can’t do that. I want to wait a little bit longer. We also need to move the nursery and paint but that can all be done in one-weekend Thinking we may do that at the end of March when my hubs gets done teaching for the semester.  I want to be hopeful and think all will continue to go well but as everyone that is in this boat you know it is hard to think that way. I also know that when I get to 37 weeks I am going to be really nervous and just wanting to reach the end and delivery and have a healthy baby.

On another note last Saturday I came down with a terrible cold that included head congestion, sneezing and just a general feeling of lousiness. You all know that with a second pregnancy sneezing is just a different challenge that leads to other things. The first couple of days I struggled and didn’t take anything other than Claritin or Benadryl. I finally broke down on Monday and paged the nurse who works with my specialist and she approved Afrin that worked wonders. I have normal congestion and sinus issues in general which I think comes from being pregnant but also suffer from a deviated septum so with the cold it was really making it difficult to breathe. I finally felt better by mid-week and have been sleeping a ton this weekend to help me get better but now my hubs has gotten the dreadful thing so hoping he gets over it soon. Ah…the joys of winter and sickness.

The other thing weighing heavily on my mind lately is my Mom and Dad. I talked with another family member who told me some things I was not aware of that are going on. I think my sister has been trying to shield me from some of the things they have been doing especially since she learned of this pregnancy because I know she doesn’t want to burden or add any stress to my life right now. It is hard watching your parent’s age and go from being independent and having their own life to seeing them do things that are not good for them. The irony of this whole story is that my father had a brother who suffered from Alzheimer’s and therefore my mother was always worried that my dad would get it as well. The opposite has happened and my mother has been suffering from dementia and forgetfulness. It really is sad and I know they want to be independent and not rely on anybody else but when you hear that their grandson has offered to move into their house because he thinks they need help than you know that something needs to be done. I love my parents dearly and only want the best for them but it is also extra difficult because I am over 600 miles from them and hearing all of this and living so far away is very hard. I know my sister wants them to move into her house but that would mean them uprooting and moving away from everything they know and have been around all of their lives. Assisted living is out of the question due to the cost and so there are not many options. It is so hard and so wish I was closer to them to help out more. I hope to talk with my sister later today about what I recently learned and what I can do to help the situation. Here is a picture of my parents. They have been married 62 years this year!

So I decided this past week that if I couldn’t be in person to see my family that I would whip up some cookie goodness and send it to them along with some pretty valentines that I found that just happened to have ladybugs on the card that remind me of Leia. I spent the better part of yesterday morning making some chocolate chip sugar cookies shaped like hearts and molasses cookies which are my daddy’s favorite. I didn’t get any pictures of the actual cookies but here is the finished product ready to be delivered. I hope to make some more next weekend for neighbors and friends. I really do like baking and especially enjoy sharing the finished product.

I hope you all have a lovely week!