Sunday, February 19, 2012

Third Trimester

Another trimester down and officially in our third trimester as of today! This past week went by fast and I only felt off one day and that was Wednesday. I came home and rested on our couch till my hubs got home from work. We ran errands yesterday together and today I am just taking it easy. It is a rainy and dreary day here and I am going to try finish reading a book that I started last October. I must get it read! We even have a wintery storm warning that starts this afternoon at 3pm. It is a good day to stay home and relax.

Tuesday was the big V-Day. We had planned to go out to dinner at a restaurant that we had got a gift certificate to back during the holidays. I wanted to cancel but my hubs insisted that we go. I went on one condition that he would leave work early and drive home to get me as I didn't want to make the drive to the place alone and drive home alone at night when dark. So he did and we went. We had a wonderful meal even though I was self-conscious about my one eye that had a blood vessel pop and show up on Sunday. It is all better now but it really looked bad for several days. We went to a french restaurant and the only other time we have frequented this place is when my father-in-law treated us to a dinner there several years back. It is such a cute little place and they were packed. I enjoyed artichoke cream soup and beef wellington in a puff pastry. My hubs had a lovely seafood dish and we ended the evening with a lavender creme brûlée and chocolate almond torte. It really was a nice evening out and really grateful that my husband coerced me into going. He reminded me that hopefully our future V-Day's will be filled with a little offspring that will be consuming our time and that we should take advantage of this time to go out and do things like this. I hope he is right. 

               Restaurant from outside, it is such a cute and romantic little place.

                                      Some lovely rose from my hubs.

Green tea that I got my hubs. I got him another kind but he has taken it to work already and loves it.

The best chocolate indulgence on earth, in my opinion. We found this at at xmas and has become a staple in our pantry though I do try to limit myself as much as possible. 

We have an ultrasound coming up this Friday and regular doctor appointment. At the ultrasound they will check for growth of our baby and hopefully be able to tell us that everything is on track. I have been feeling lots of movement and it really is a joy to know our baby is getting more active. I will start doing kick counts next weekend after I get some more information from my doctor. I’d like to know the best time to do them or what his suggestions are, as I really want to keep track of them this pregnancy and monitor them closely. Anything I can do to ensure bringing home our baby alive and well.

Next weekend we are invited to a friend’s for the birthday party of their 4-year old little boy. I wish we could go but we have decided it is just not going to happen. They are having a bouncy house and have asked guests to dress up for the party. For one, I am not big on dressing up for parties and secondly at this point of a pregnancy I just can’t be around little kids and all the fun going on. I wish I could, but just can’t. Also the lady who had a baby a month before our Leia was born will also be there and just can’t stand the thought of getting into a place or state of mind where I will be thinking about how she should be here too. I hope they understand and I know they will but it is still HARD. Their house is also right next to ours so we’ve already planned that I will go into work with my hubs and I’m going to hang out or do some shopping rather than stay home and hear all the activities going on. I know I wrote about this same subject last year and we didn’t go to the party then either. Someday I hope to be able to go to these kinds of things again. It’s funny how some things can be such a trigger.

I had a friend over the other night and she was telling me how I deserve to be excited for this pregnancy. It is easy for her to say this because she has never had a baby loss. She fortunately has two little boys and has had two perfect pregnancies that resulted in good outcomes. I know she meant well with what she was trying to convey but unless you have experienced the loss of your little one I just don’t think others get it. I didn’t say much to her about it other than I just wanted to make it to May and have everything be well. I try to shop and look for things and be excited, but it is hard. How can you prepare when you are not sure all will be okay? I am a planner and always have been. Maybe a month from now will be different but I get it when other BLM’s say they can’t do anything with the nursery or their baby’s room. I want to but I went in to Leia’s room Friday night and I just kept thinking about all the things she never got to use or wear.  It just isn’t fair.

So I end this post with thinking of the many other BLM’s on this same road. Some of you are close to your due date and I SO hope to be reading good news in coming weeks. Some of you are on bed rest and I wish you nothing but relaxing days to come and that you have a happy ending. Some of you are just a week ahead of me or on the same track and so hope we all continue on good paths and that our pregnancies end in good outcomes. Some of you are trying and going through fertility treatments. Have SO been there and understand your plight to get pregnant. I will be thinking of you all and hoping for good outcomes for everyone.  Hugs and good vibes to everyone!


  1. What a lovely dinner! And that chocolate. I'm a big fan of sweet things, especially as a nervous pregnant woman. :) Self control has exited the building for me. Hah.

    I understand your struggles and the whole birthday party anxiety. I would do the same. I hate that we're still not in a place of comfort to share in others' joy, but it's just so dang hard. Maybe someday. Hopefully someday. I'm one of those who cannot touch the nursery. I just can't do it. I walk in and I'm paralyzed and sucked into this time capsule I feel needs to remain that way. It's a weird feeling and I don't know when it will all be okay. One of the other BLMs told me that now that her daughter is here, she has entered the nesting stage she couldn't do during her pregnancy either. Maybe then that I'll find peace. I hope and wish for peace for you on ultrasound day, in the coming weeks and trimester, and bringing home baby.

    1. Thinking of you as you approach the end of this month and hoping to hear some good news about your Ben arriving.

  2. Yay for reaching the third trimester. :) Glad you were able to have a nice Valentine's Day dinner with your hubby. I've had the same thing re: being excited about this pregnancy told to me as well. It's all I can do not to strangle the person saying it because while I am excited about this baby, I am terrified about losing it all.. Getting excited sometimes feels great, and sometimes feels like I'm tempting fate.

    We're due a day apart (I'm May 19th, but we're having hear a week or so earlier). So crazy considering we lost our kids on the same day. :(

    Hoping for the best outcomes possible. I'll be thinking of you.

  3. I am just at the start and 9 months wow it seems so very very long, I am trying to get excited either. I am so glad your at the third trimester.xo

  4. I'm so glad you have reached this goal! I tried to comment about your hosp. trip (the other day) & I don't think it went through. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that and hopefully the extra rest will keep that from happening again. Take it easy - don't lift any heavy furniture!!! (That's what they used to always say in old movies). I'm thrilled for you and have you, hubby, & baby in my prayers. xoxo

  5. I think no matter how hard people try to understand, you don't really get it unless you've lost a kid. Though, that said, I have a couple friends who have battled infertility who get it without ever having a loss.

    Huge congrats to third trimester!!!

  6. Thank goodness not many others "get" pregnancy after a loss as much as we do. I am glad to have a community that "gets" it but how my heart would break to know many more people who have suffered like I have. That doesn't make it any easier when those kind of discussions come up though - I recently had one with a friend - she asked me what kind of "fun" things I was doing to prepare for baby. Honestly, I finally just worked up enough courage to buy a pack of diapers. I am lucky enough to be expecting another girl so we don't have to buy anything but diapers for this little one. If we did I'd be on a massive shopping spree asap!!

    We do what we can to get through the day and weeks and months until our little rainbows come into this world. Keep hanging in there, the third trimester is such a HUGE milestone for me to hit, so congrats! :)