Tuesday, May 3, 2011
What Grief Feels Like
I was asked today to describe what grief feels like. My first thought was silence and pain in my stomach. Grief feels lonely. You see others going about their life and you feel as if you are stuck in a certain spot and unable to move forward. It is overwhelming, tiring, painful, like constantly being punched in the gut. I feel also as if what is the use of doing anything. Why bother with anything because will it really matter tomorrow? I feel hopeless, the most I have ever felt in my life. I am missing my baby girl that should be here with me on this pretty and warm spring day. I see a butterfly and it makes me think of her and her leaving the earth. I want to be that butterfly and just fly away from everything. I wish that was possible. Grief can come and go too. Just when you think that you are getting "through it" much easier, it all comes flooding back. You are right back where you were and feeling down. I don't know how to explain it but it is the worst feeling I have had in my entire life. I just want Leia back and want to go back to the end of last year when I was feeling so good and happy about life.
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I want to go back to the end of last year where I was happy and hopeful for my baby boy also. I know what you mean by the worst feelings you have ever had in your entire life. I have never felt like this ever, and hope neither of us has to experience it again.
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere a comparison between losing your baby and having your skin all peeled off. How the skin will try to regrow, but it will be sore and thin and painful, and sometimes it will re-open. It's kind of a gross analogy, but quite true if you think about it.
ReplyDeleteI am right in the thick of this description today. :( I want to go back, too.
ReplyDeleteGrief feels like a stomachache to me, too. And also a heavy, heavy weight that I carry. And a vise that squeezes my chest. But I like Laura Jane's analogy of having all your skin peeled off. Because grief is shocking like that, too. It hurts so bad you want to die, and you can't really believe you survived it. And the healing process is painful, too.
ReplyDeleteI cannot explain grief (like this one). Even though am going through it now, I feel no amount of words will suffice to explain it. I agree, grief is lonely.
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