Upcoming Week and Days

I am here again. The beginning of a month but not just any month. You see this time last year is when we were in the midst of our IVF. Tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of our egg retrieval. I remember hoping that our implantation would be at the 3-day mark because it would be Mother's Day. While that did not happen it did take place on the 11th, 5 days after the retrieval. The number 11 seems to play a key part in Leia's life inside of my womb. She was implanted on the 11th and delivered the 11th of January. Eight months that she was with me, breathing, growing, kicking, and moving around. I remember all the ultrasounds and hearing her heart beating. Why didn't I ever record one of them? So many regrets and looking back on what could or should have been. She is gone now and it hurts so much. I also dread the upcoming Mother's Day. Everywhere I go there are signs or advertisements for the day. Any other year this would not bother or get to me but this year while yes, I am a Mother it will not be celebrated like others do. Spending time with their babies or children. I will be remembering Leia and thinking of how I wish she were here with us.

Dear Leia,
Mommy misses you so much and I hope you are in a better place and having fun. I love you so much and never a days goes by that I don't think about or remember you. Please know this and that you were the best baby during my pregnancy. So gentle and kind to me and never a bother. I love and miss you soooooooo much.
Love always, Mommy