I was asked today to describe what grief feels like. My first thought was silence and pain in my stomach. Grief feels lonely. You see others going about their life and you feel as if you are stuck in a certain spot and unable to move forward. It is overwhelming, tiring, painful, like constantly being punched in the gut. I feel also as if what is the use of doing anything. Why bother with anything because will it really matter tomorrow? I feel hopeless, the most I have ever felt in my life. I am missing my baby girl that should be here with me on this pretty and warm spring day. I see a butterfly and it makes me think of her and her leaving the earth. I want to be that butterfly and just fly away from everything. I wish that was possible. Grief can come and go too. Just when you think that you are getting "through it" much easier, it all comes flooding back. You are right back where you were and feeling down. I don't know how to explain it but it is the worst feeling I have had in my entire life. I just want Leia back and want to go back to the end of last year when I was feeling so good and happy about life.