What Else Can Happen?

So last Friday our little doggie got very sick and I ended up taking him to the vet. He has pancreatitis that we have been managing with prednisone. He has been on this medication close to two years and it has kept it under control. Until now. My vet told me to watch very close if he has any other bouts and to call her immediately if he is sick. She gave him two shots last Friday that got him better but then we followed up with more medicine at home. Basically it boils down to him being able to survive a bout and one of these times he is probably not going to. After getting off the phone with her I was in tears and telling myself that I must try to get myself in a place of realizing that he is not always going to be around. This is hard. You see I have had this little pup since he was 8 weeks old. When I brought him home he could fit in my hand. He is now close to 8 pounds and when he was healthy weighed 10 pounds. I just can't bear the thought of another loss at this point. Why? Why does this have to happen now? Can life get anymore bad? Just when I am down and at the lowest point I have ever been in my life and now I must think about not having my dog anymore. My hubs says he could be fine for many more months but I guess with everything that has happened I can't help but wonder when this may happen. I can't imagine not having him around our house. His barking to welcome us home, him following me around all the time (though he never went in Leia's nursery, I think it was his way of telling me that he knew our lives were changing). I don't know, I am probably overreacting about my call with the vet but I just can't think positive at this point with all that has happened to us in recent months.

And then later this morning after my call with the vet I made a quick trip to Target to see if I could find a specific dress that I had seen on-line, to wear to a job interview. After coming out of the dressing rooms I bumped into a friend, from high school. Even though we live several states from where we both grew up we live probably twenty miles apart now. She knew about Leia and so we hugged and we talked. She was very understanding and said all the right things but it was awkward. I didn't mind seeing her but I just felt so out of sorts and not prepared to see her. She meant well and wants to get together and I do appreciate everything she said but I don't know. It just wasn't how I had planned my day. I should be doing other things and that is what is upsetting the most.

I close with a picture of our doggie, Chug. He is a miniature version of an Australian Shepherd. He is our baby for now and I so hope we get a little more time with him. If he were to pass on maybe he would be playing with our Leia in a better place and making her happy. If that exists. I don't know anymore what to think about anything. I just don't understand why this is coming up now. Just a little more time is all I ask for. Thinking more today of Leia and wondering why she couldn't come and be with us. We so wanted her and miss her everyday. Love you Leia Grace and Chug too.