So back in March I posted about being adopted. Since losing my Leia I have been struggling with other losses in my life. One huge loss or part of my life that I have always known about is my adoption. I have struggled most of my life with this situation and how it has affected me.
So this past week I learned some things that I thought I never would about my birth mother. You see back in late 2008 when my hubs and I had been experiencing no luck in conceiving I decided to try to register to get medical information about my birth mother. I sent a request to the state that I was adopted in and then about two months later they sent me a letter saying they would request further information from the agency that handled my adoption. That was in early 2009. I heard NOTHING. Since I did not hear anything I assumed there was no information available. Now over two years later I have received a letter from the state that I sent the original request to. I learned my birth mother was 28 years old when I was born. I learned about two different health issues that she had at the time of my birth. I learned that I have a sibling that was 2 1/2 years old when I was born. I learned that she started prenatal care for me when she was six months into the pregnancy. As you can imagine I was quite emotional learning all this information upon opening the letter. I HAVE A SIBLING, somewhere out in this world. I may have a brother/sister that I have never met. Some things I do not know are whether my birth mother gave me up at the time of my birth. I do know that I was in two foster homes before being placed with my adopted family. So as I understand I could have started having attachment issues at a very young age and now with losing my daughter it is even more emotional and traumatizing to me. The attachment or bond that I created with Leia during my pregnancy will always be with me. It's all so overwhelming. I feel like there is a reason I am learning this information now. It also makes me want to learn more or find my birth mother/sibling. I am not sure how or if I will ever be able to do that but I am sure going to try. I want to "close the loop" or at least know. I don't care if my birth mother/sibling want to meet me or not but I do want the chance to know if they are alive.
I know anyone that is adopted will understand this post. I love my family that adopted me and they will always be a part of my life. I just want to understand and have the chance to make sense of the beginning of my life. I also want to do this for my Leia. I can never have her back in real life however she is with me every day and I am always thinking of her. Love to my daughter Leia from your Momma.