Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Update on Adoption

So back in March I posted about being adopted. Since losing my Leia I have been struggling with other losses in my life. One huge loss or part of my life that I have always known about is my adoption. I have struggled most of my life with this situation and how it has affected me.

So this past week I learned some things that I thought I never would about my birth mother. You see back in late 2008 when my hubs and I had been experiencing no luck in conceiving I decided to try to register to get medical information about my birth mother. I sent a request to the state that I was adopted in and then about two months later they sent me a letter saying they would request further information from the agency that handled my adoption. That was in early 2009. I heard NOTHING. Since I did not hear anything I assumed there was no information available. Now over two years later I have received a letter from the state that I sent the original request to. I learned my birth mother was 28 years old when I was born. I learned about two different health issues that she had at the time of my birth. I learned that I have a sibling that was 2 1/2 years old when I was born. I learned that she started prenatal care for me when she was six months into the pregnancy. As you can imagine I was quite emotional learning all this information upon opening the letter. I HAVE A SIBLING, somewhere out in this world. I may have a brother/sister that I have never met. Some things I do not know are whether my birth mother gave me up at the time of my birth. I do know that I was in two foster homes before being placed with my adopted family. So as I understand I could have started having attachment issues at a very young age and now with losing my daughter it is even more emotional and traumatizing to me. The attachment or bond that I created with Leia during my pregnancy will always be with me. It's all so overwhelming. I feel like there is a reason I am learning this information now. It also makes me want to learn more or find my birth mother/sibling. I am not sure how or if I will ever be able to do that but I am sure going to try. I want to "close the loop" or at least know. I don't care if my birth mother/sibling want to meet me or not but I do want the chance to know if they are alive.

I know anyone that is adopted will understand this post. I love my family that adopted me and they will always be a part of my life. I just want to understand and have the chance to make sense of the beginning of my life. I also want to do this for my Leia. I can never have her back in real life however she is with me every day and I am always thinking of her. Love to my daughter Leia from your Momma.


  1. This post totally interests me. Well, your life does, actually... since that's what the post is about.

    Had you been interested in knowing about your birth mother prior to your IF concerns? Would you have pursued the information had your IF not been a concern?

    My parents were foster parents and they started (I think as a way to handle empty-nest) when I was in college. The kids were amazing. I hated to see them leave but was fearful of being too attached to them, so I kept my distance.

    I'm so glad you have some answers. I can imagine I'd want to know all I could as well. It's one of {your} life's biggest mysteries, I bet.

    I understand your attachment to Leia. Luckily, you'll always have those memories of your pregnancy with Leia. It's something no one can take from us, thankfully. In a way, it's sacred. She is yours and you deserve every piece of attachment to her. I'm sorry it's SO hard.

  2. I so hope the search for your mother works out and you get some much needed questions about your early life answered. Thinking of you and Leia always

  3. My best friend in the world found out as a teenager that her parents had a child together (when they were 16) they put up for adoption. So it's my friend + her older brother + a full sister she never knew existed.

    In university she met with her sister who had started doing some research when she was trying to get pregnant. After they met, it was a matter of months before the sister was pregnant herself. so crazy. They keep in touch now, which I think is so great.

    I hope you find the information you're looking for. I'm sure it must be incredibly difficult for you.

  4. Wow, what a story. Thank you for sharing. You have so many caveats to your loss that make it that much more horrific that Leia is gone. And I know how hard it is to deal with this grief without those other issues. (The caveat to my story is that my sister and I were pregnant together and due 2 1/2 weeks apart--her baby is here, and it's kind of torn up our family.) I cannot imagine. I hope you have some luck finding your birth family. Keep us posted. Will be thinking of you!

  5. I'm not an adopted child but I have always been curious about adoption - and I can say I understand what you are going through. I wish you get your answers soon. Wish you lot of luck.