Thursday, April 21, 2011

Thanks, Friends, Grateful, Therapy & Dreams

I would like to THANK everyone for your comments on my last post. I am very grateful and so appreciative that each of you took the time to share what you have done. The fact that you shared with me what you did or are planning to do means so much to me. It has given me much to think about and while we still haven't opened the package that was delivered Tuesday it is sitting here in our family room and we will open it when the time is right. I also want to get some kind of memory box or container to put all of Leia's items in and things that I've collected along the way. If anyone has suggestions or where they purchased one I'd love to know. I've poked around a bit on the internet but not decided on anything in particular. I am taking my time with what I do and get as I really want it to be something special for Leia.

Last night a good friend came over to help me get through the remainder of my day till my hubs arrived home. We had a good visit and were able to talk openly about both of our struggles with pregnancies and starting a family. I am glad I was able to see this friend as it had been some time since I had seen her. I am very GRATEFUL to this friend for our friendship and her continued support and the strength she has shown and given to me in the past several months. We've both had our struggles and it is good that we are able to talk so openly and freely about everything.

I had another appointment with my therapist yesterday. She told me their are no rules on the grief process and while I know this, it is good to hear this from another person. We also talked about other losses and she pointed out to me how I had experienced quite a bit of loss in my life. I had never really looked at it that way or how much until I really did think about family members that I've lost, my adoption and the unknown aspects of my birth mother, pet losses, a marriage and my most recent of losing Leia. It is all coming up and while at the time each of those events had happened and I thought I had dealt with them individually and at the time, I really think that I am remembering and dealing with all my losses now. I know losing Leia has been my greatest loss of all. She was my first child, my first pregnancy and then having the way it happened really brought some trauma and pain that cannot be explained. It is all so wrong and doesn't make sense. It hurts. It stings. It makes me sad.

On a positive note I did have a very nice dream about Leia. My hubs and I were at a gathering with some of his colleagues and I had brought out a picture of Leia to show everyone. In the picture I was holding Leia and she was smiling and her brown hair was very long. In the picture I had her looking over my shoulder and we were both turned to look at the camera. When I woke up from having this dream I was so happy and at peace with myself. It was like I was really holding her and connecting with her. It was beautiful. I hope I have many more dreams of Leia.

Love and always thinking of you Leia Grace


  1. Sounds like a great dream, so calming. :)

    I don't have a place for Jack's things. His stuff is all jammed in his nursery, where it will mostly be reused by his siblings. For the things were received from the hospital, and the few outfits he wore and the paperwork we received, it's all stacked on his dresser and tucked away. One day when we (hopefully) prepare for his siblings, I'm not sure what we'll do. Some stuff I want to display (moulds of his foot and his hands) in a curio cabinet, other things we'll tuck away in a box, I think.

    His urn sits on our dresser in our master. I can't really imagine putting it anywhere else. Not on display because he's ours now, we don't have to share him with anyone else. We keep him all to ourselves. :)

  2. BTW, sounds like you had a great therapy session. Must be a relief to have this stuff in the open now, and be able to grieve the other losses you have experienced.

    Glad the hubster is home.

  3. As of now all of Addison's things are in her room. When they day comes that the nursery becomes her sibling's room I think I will want a beautiful wooden box. I have been searching, but haven't come across anything good enough for her. Good luck in your search!

  4. Your therapist sounds great, glad to hear its going well! Sounds like a very special you dream you had about Leia also.
    I got a memory box from the hospital that holds his hat and outfit from the hospital along with a few other things from that day dreaded day. Most of his other things like pictures and papers pertaining to his life I will include in his scrapbook I am working on. All of the clothes, toys, books, and the nursery stuff will all be shared with his brother(s) and/or sister(s).
    By the way I would love to chat sometime if you want to send me an email with your number and then I can email you mine back-

  5. Calming dream, I agree. I wish I could have a dream with my son in it too.