I would like to THANK everyone for your comments on my last post. I am very grateful and so appreciative that each of you took the time to share what you have done. The fact that you shared with me what you did or are planning to do means so much to me. It has given me much to think about and while we still haven't opened the package that was delivered Tuesday it is sitting here in our family room and we will open it when the time is right. I also want to get some kind of memory box or container to put all of Leia's items in and things that I've collected along the way. If anyone has suggestions or where they purchased one I'd love to know. I've poked around a bit on the internet but not decided on anything in particular. I am taking my time with what I do and get as I really want it to be something special for Leia.
Last night a good friend came over to help me get through the remainder of my day till my hubs arrived home. We had a good visit and were able to talk openly about both of our struggles with pregnancies and starting a family. I am glad I was able to see this friend as it had been some time since I had seen her. I am very GRATEFUL to this friend for our friendship and her continued support and the strength she has shown and given to me in the past several months. We've both had our struggles and it is good that we are able to talk so openly and freely about everything.
I had another appointment with my therapist yesterday. She told me their are no rules on the grief process and while I know this, it is good to hear this from another person. We also talked about other losses and she pointed out to me how I had experienced quite a bit of loss in my life. I had never really looked at it that way or how much until I really did think about family members that I've lost, my adoption and the unknown aspects of my birth mother, pet losses, a marriage and my most recent of losing Leia. It is all coming up and while at the time each of those events had happened and I thought I had dealt with them individually and at the time, I really think that I am remembering and dealing with all my losses now. I know losing Leia has been my greatest loss of all. She was my first child, my first pregnancy and then having the way it happened really brought some trauma and pain that cannot be explained. It is all so wrong and doesn't make sense. It hurts. It stings. It makes me sad.
On a positive note I did have a very nice dream about Leia. My hubs and I were at a gathering with some of his colleagues and I had brought out a picture of Leia to show everyone. In the picture I was holding Leia and she was smiling and her brown hair was very long. In the picture I had her looking over my shoulder and we were both turned to look at the camera. When I woke up from having this dream I was so happy and at peace with myself. It was like I was really holding her and connecting with her. It was beautiful. I hope I have many more dreams of Leia.
Love and always thinking of you Leia Grace