20 Weeks Today

Well I don’t really know how to start this post other than to say this picture says it all…

Yes, my hubs and I are expecting and we are 20 weeks as of today. I’ve been reluctant in posting any of this exciting news because for one I felt like it was something we needed to keep close and quiet about for some time. Secondly, I don’t want in any way to ever forget our sweet baby girl and firstborn child. We are just fortunate enough to have happened on this journey spontaneously (as our nurse put it). So it just happened. We were trying but not writing down dates or even using ovulation predictors sticks (which we have used extensively in the past).  This all started back in mid-September when my cycle did not start, which was really no surprise. Back in June I had seen my regular gynecologist who had told me that I could expect to start having irregular cycles as that is all part of aging. I had just turned 40 that month so a few months later when I was late I just chalked it up to what she had told me. So we waited till I was on day 42 of my cycle before we tested. I sent the hubs out for a pregnancy test because I didn’t have one and wasn’t going to get one till I knew for sure I’d need one. It was a Sunday night and I remember thinking that I would take the test the next morning but after some discussion and thought we decided I would test that night. I remember thinking to myself how I would have that night and the next morning to mentally prepare myself if the test wasn’t what we had hoped for. So about 7:30pm we took the test and I left the stick sitting on the sink of our bathroom. I set the timer on my iphone and left it in the bathroom as well. So a long 3 minutes later I walked in to see the results and was shocked to see it said I was pregnant. My hubs was in our kitchen and I walked out to show him and he was in my arms hugging me and I was immediately crying. I think part of me was overcome with the results as well as thinking of our Leia. It was all so much what had just happened!  We were pregnant and this was all natural with no visits to our fertility office or anything else. We just couldn’t believe this was happening to us.

The next few weeks were busy scheduling an ultrasound and first doctor appointment. The first ultrasound we had was extremely tough because it meant a trip to the same office we had been for all of my ultrasounds with Leia. The appointment went well and they were able to tell us exactly how far along we were. Our due date is May 20. We then had to schedule an appointment with the fetal maternal specialist (the doctor I tried to see with my pregnancy with Leia but was denied). The same path was starting as before with the hospital wanting a nurse to call me for a “phone consult”. I was not having any of this. I immediately sent an email to the specialist we had seen back in February after we lost our Leia. He told us at that appointment that if we should get pregnant that he would be happy to take us on as patients.  He immediately responded to our email and we were scheduled for our first appointment in mid-October. I told my husband I would give this doctor a few months but that if I wasn’t happy or liking how things were going that we would seek out another specialist. I am happy to say he has been very attentive to our list of questions at every appointment and always responds to any emails I send him. He knows our history and seems to be very considerate and caring to our needs and concerns.

Now, fast-forward to this past month when I had an amnio on December 12.  My hubs and I both knew that we needed all the testing this time so that we could prepared and be ready. We would keep our baby no matter what the results but I just felt this time that having the amnio would prepare us for whatever was ahead. I am happy to say that all of our results are back and from what they have tested and looked for all is well with our little offspring that I am carrying.  

So today we are at 20 weeks or 5 months. I guess it is halfway but we have discussed options for delivery. We have a doctor appointment at the end of this week and plan to ask some more questions about future plans as the pregnancy progresses. I just feel I can’t be prepared enough. I am also trying to enjoy each day of this pregnancy and just starting to feel some movements of our baby. I want to enjoy and hope all will be well but for most of you out there who are in the same boat as me, you know that we will not be happy till we bring home a living baby. I try to think all will be fine. I have had several good dreams. My sister tells me she has a good feeling about this pregnancy. It is all very hard to imagine until we get to the point of having our baby home.

I end this post and a new year is starting. The year 2011 did not bring our little baby girl into the world the way we had planned but I think of Leia every day and hope to keep her memory alive with us each day as we move forward. 

Hoping 2012 is good for every other BLM out there. We are all on different paths, but I think of each one of you every day and the one’s that I have talked to through this year. I would not have met you otherwise so I am thankful and grateful for all of you. I wish you all nothing but the best.