Card from Sarita
My niece and her family lit this candle in Leia's memory.
Pendant from Nikki and Teri
The past week has been an emotional roller coaster. Over last weekend I changed a table around and put everything out with Leia’s name and cards that we have received. I have decided to move these items to a sitting area at the top of our stairs going to our second floor. I’ve decided I want them out and something we can look at each day. (Just hoping the cat leaves them alone!) I am going to put them on a shelf that we had in Leia’s room. It seems fitting to do this now as I’ve begun the process of thinking what I will do with some of the items that were in Leia’s nursery. That is hard to think about.
On the actual day of Leia’s birthday I did decide to work. I had thought originally through most of this year that I just wouldn’t be able to do it but after much thought I decided to forge ahead and go to work. I was able to keep my emotions in check and for the most part the day went quick. I did come home and go through Leia’s memory box and looked at everything that reminds me of her. I ended up a mess and crying over looking at most of the items and thinking about that day a year ago. The day was similar in weather as last year we were going through an unusual ice storm and this year it was raining, cold and dreary ALL DAY long. I think if it would have been sunny and warm I could have been in a different mood. But the weather being similar to what it was last year just reminded me of what I was missing.
I did buy a bunch of roses and wanted to place a single rose on Leia’s garden in our yard however as mentioned above the weather did not cooperate. I did put the flowers out and we also made a donation the NDSS in Leia’s memory. This is something we plan to do each year on the anniversary of her birth. The money will go towards promoting advocacy for people with Down Syndrome as well as research which my husband is a big proponent of and does this in his work.
So a year has passed. People tell me it will get better dealing with her loss but the more I think about it, that doesn’t really happen. If anything I miss Leia more and I think the only thing you can do is learn to manage and live with the grief. It is always there and popping up at times when you least expect it. A comment made or you see something that reminds you and you are right back there again.
Happy birthday, Leia. I miss you so much and you are always with me in my thoughts and heart.