Sunday, September 18, 2011

Missing and Other Random Items in Life as I know Now

I've been slacking a bit here. I've been reading other blogs and commenting when allowed (seriously, what is up with blogger?) I've just not felt that writing or expressing myself here that much has been good for me. Maybe it's because I am on a computer most of my afternoons at work and the last thing I want to do is be on my computer at night.

Been thinking about things I would do this time last year when I was carrying my Leia. I had a friend tell me that bathing in baby oil would help with stretch marks. So I heeded her advice and did take more baths than I usually would. I am more of a shower than bath person. I just realized yesterday that I have not taken a bath in our master bath this whole entire year. I think it is because that last week that I carried Leia I took more baths than usual because that was when I could feel her movements the most is when I would get into the bath water. I guess it is just my way of dealing and coping with missing my little girl.

So we are on our third day of dreariness, cold and scattered showers. I think I also just heard thunder rumbling off in the distance. I feel so much better when I wake up and the sun is out and it is a nice day. We are heading into that time of year where we will be seeing more days like this. I DON'T LIKE it. I want sunny and bright days, not one's that bring me down and depress me. As a result of the big temperature change (we went from 90 one day to high 50's) I think my sinuses are acting up a bit. We went out for dinner to a new place (btw, IT WAS AWESOME) last night and on our way home I started getting a slight migraine. I was having trouble focusing ahead and seeing straight (and I was driving). I finally had to say to my hubs that I didn't think I could continue to drive. He quickly put the car in park and we swapped seats. I am sure whoever was behind us at this red light thought we were crazy. He had me put my seat down and relax the rest of our drive home which was another 15 minutes. When home I got comfortable and about an hour later I had tingling and numbness in both of my hands that moved to my face, tongue and lips. I had this a second time about another hour later. The dulling pain in my forehead also continued. I refused to take anything for it as I hate taking anything because usually it doesn't help. Fortunately, today I woke up and have been feeling fine. I just hope I don't have a repeat of whatever happened to me last night. We googled side effects of migraines and sure enough everything I was experiencing was what could happen. I've suffered from migraines in the past and had all these same symptoms just not this bad of a one in several years. It really can knock you out. I am just thankful that I've not had so many as of late.

A friend of mine and I are having a yard sale next weekend. I have gone through closets and some rooms in our house to see what we can live without or don't use anymore. I used to purge and donate a box every month to our local PTA thrift store. My motto is also if you bring something into the house you've got to get rid of one item. I have not lived by this in the past year. Where has 2011 gone? I know I've been grieving the loss of Leia but it also seems like it can't be the end of September already. I've probably got two boxes of items. If I can sell anything I'll be happy and what doesn't go will be donated.

Speaking of end of year this means holidays. I really would rather skip them all together this year and just get them over. I don't want January to be here but I also don't want Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. One nice thing is that I think we've convinced my hubs family that a holiday gathering in AZ would be good. (Last year we had snow most of the time his family was here from out of town). Hopefully this plan continues and we can all meet up out west and we will also get to see my hubs brother who moved out that way three years ago. We've been wanting to get out there so it seems like this would be a good diversion and different way of spending the holidays.

I have been reading other blogs. Happy for some other BLM's out there who have had a rainbow baby or found out they are expecting. It really does warm my heart to know that there are others out there who have gone on and had their happy ending. I hope all of us in this boat get our happy ending and get what we want when it comes to babies and families. I am thinking of you all and hoping all continues to go well for all of you.

1 comment:

  1. I feel the same sometimes when blogging, sometimes I have just had enough and other times I cant wait to get home and express my feelings. I feel the same about blogger moms that are expecting, it gives me hope that maybe it will happen again for me too. Hope you manage the hollidays, Halloween is a big one for us and the month of October will be harder than most. I think going away for Christmas sounds likes a good plan.