9/11

I've been doing lots of thinking this week as we approach this weekend. It is not only the ten-year anniversary of 9/11 but it will also mark the 8-month mark since Leia has not been with us. I think of all the families who lost loved ones. The children who lost a mother or father which no child should ever have to face. I think about that day 10 years ago and where I was and what I was doing. I was at work and remember a colleague telling me about the first plane going into the towers. I was so stunned when she told me and then taken aback because I had to ask her where the towers were located. (I knew, I think just realizing what was happening to me was making my mind go blank). I was busy with something else and just stunned when she told me NYC. Earlier that day I had just seen my then husband (now ex) off on his business trip. He was flying into JFK that day. The next thing I did was try to call his cell which didn't go through. (Later we would learn that many calls to cell phones that day wouldn't go through due to being jammed up). I then called my in-laws and they knew also that their son had flown into JFK that day as well. They were worried as I was as well. It was a horrendous day. I remember other people I worked with being worried. I remember going into the conference room and watching the news. It was all just so terrible. Who would do such a terrible thing and why? Seeing the destruction and so many people just before our eyes having their lives taken. I went home that night to an empty house and to my doggie. I held him and watched the live coverage of the days events. I called family and talked to them and let them know how much I loved them. I did end up talking to my husband who got stuck in the middle of all the mess. He ended up driving back to PA because flights were not going out and he couldn't get to NJ which is where he was originally going. It was a day I will never forget. Shortly after 9/11, about two months my then husband announced to me about his intentions to leave our marriage. I had no say or was able to save our marriage. He was out and I was alone. I've since gone on to re-marry and found a great person that I KNOW I will spend the rest of my life with. He is NOTHING like my ex and everything I want in a spouse. He is loving, kind, compassionate, caring, and most importantly he is Leia's Daddy. If we ever get the chance to parent a child here on earth I know that he is going to be so involved and loving to him or her. So as I end this post I think of everyone and that day ten years ago. It is so tragic but I have also seen many stories of people who have gone on and learned to live with their grief and sorrow. They've done philanthropic or certain things to honor their loved one's. I only hope that one day I can do the same for my Leia and do some good for others. I want to honor and remember her and also go on and be happy, if that does exist.