Sunday, April 29, 2012

37 Weeks

Thinking today of Becky and what she and her family are going through. I just can’t believe this has happened and sending love and light her way.

Today we are at 37 weeks or full-term as our doctor told us this past Friday. The past week was filled with three doctor appointments, the end of working (woo hoo!) and trying to get some things done with my parents who are moving-in with my sister permanently.

I’ll start with our appointments. We had an ultrasound on Monday that found our LO estimating to be approximately 6 pounds, 6 ounces. This was the best news to hear because I suspect this is the time in my pregnancy with Leia that things started to deteriorate and I had no clue. So to see significant weight gain in our LO was very good news to my ears. The doctor who looked over the results from our ultrasound looked to be about 12 years old when she entered the room but she did give us some good news telling us we had a score of 8 out of 8. All was well that day. Then this past Friday I went in for a routine non-stress test followed by a regular appointment with our specialist. Of course, the non-stress proved to be just the opposite of its name. The nurse said our NST looked good but that she would show it to the doctor. The doctor who read the NST results wanted me to have an ultrasound done to check the amniotic fluid. This had my hubs and I stressing out for a little bit. We quickly went from a routine NST appointment to thinking maybe this was it. Would we be admitted to the hospital? Would all be okay? I kept saying to the nurse that this was the reason for all these extra NST’s, etc., so if they found something going wrong it could be monitored. It could be helped. So for about ten minutes we thought it was going to be the day. Thankfully they found the amniotic fluid was okay. It really hit home with both of us that this is getting real and that any day now could be THE day.  So after we left the NST we went to see our specialist who also did a test to make sure my water had not broken and that I was not leaking amniotic fluid. All was well on that front, thankfully. He was very pleased with our ultrasound results and told us the next weight we would have of our LO would be on the scale. PLEASE let that be the case. Let us bring home a LIVING BABY that we can love in-person and not just in memory and from the one day we met Leia. I was pretty emotional at this appointment. Crying when the nurse brought us in to the exam room and her making a comment that brought back so many difficult memories from my pregnancy with Leia. I then cried when the doctor left because as I stated earlier, we are full-term and his instructions to us at this point were that if we suspected anything or had concerns that we need to go to L&D or if during business hours to page his nurse. It really is getting close. 

My hubs told me on Friday that it was really becoming real to him. He told me we needed to get out some of the baby books that we had gotten when we were expecting Leia. I have to admit I was kind of happy to hear him say this because it has been pretty real for me the past 37 weeks and I realize that our LO will be here soon. But I also realize that I have to remain calm and also realize that there are some things I will need to let go. I can’t be obsessing about what hasn’t been done but to also just learn to be happy and enjoy our LO once he/she is here. To soak it in and bond with our LO. Let everything else go! Easier said than done but I am going to try.

My last week of working was this past Friday. For the past three weeks I have been part-time and that has been nice. It is a good feeling to know that I won’t be going in daily and have the added responsibility of work. I will miss the two coworkers that I have come to know fondly and worked with in recent months. It is a small office and at the very end the attorney that I work for had his wife take us all out for a lunch and they surprised me with some baby gifts. It was really nice of them to do this for us and while I was okay that day it was pretty upsetting to me at the end of the day. I’ve had a couple other friends offer to do a baby shower and I’ve declined. I've told them they could wait till our LO was here. We’ve also discussed doing a sip and see type party that I have learned about from other BLM’s. I just don’t want to have events that we did the same way when expecting Leia. My hubs even wanted to do a getaway but since we did something like that when we were expecting with Leia I just didn’t want to do it. I told him I’d rather we do something later in the summer or fall when we can take LO with us and get away to the beach or mountains. It just all has to feel and be different this time, so that I can cope.

Update on my Dad who had a stroke a few weeks back. He is recovering well and with this happening both he and my mom have agreed to move in permanently with my sister. She has the perfect set-up for being able to have them live on the first floor of her home and she has offered to do this. I worry that it will be too much for her and her husband, but she is taking it on. This will probably be a transition to what eventually turns into assisted living or a nursing home setting for them down the road or in a few years. I do feel more at ease knowing they will be around others more often and not alone at their home. I am handing all their financial matters which I have found to be very time consuming but now with work done I can devote a little more time to getting things more organized. Once things are in place it will not be too much other than reviewing bills and paying them.  It is the one thing I can do and help my sister with since she will be caring full-time for them in her home.  It really is hard to see your parents getting older and becoming more dependent on others. They are stubborn and don’t want to be a burden to anyone but it has also come to a point where they need daily assistance and cannot do it on their own anymore. I love my family and would do anything in the world for them and I hope they know this.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

35 Weeks and Worrisome Thoughts

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had a chance to post. I’ve reached 35 weeks as of today and at our last ultrasound our LO was measuring right in the correct percentile and weighed 4lbs, 13oz. We go back in one more week for another ultrasound. The kidney issue they were watching has also resolved itself, so that was good news to hear. I also continue to go for my weekly non-stress testing every Friday. I don’t know why they call it this because every Friday is apprehension and concern that all is on track and going okay. At the appointment this past week the nurse did some extra zinging of the baby that had me worried but then she told me that the maternal fetal medicine specialist looked over the test and all was fine. For the five minutes that I had to wait for this answer I was VERY worried. As I sit here typing our LO is being very active and kicking me very hard.

So along with approaching the time when we lost Leia I also got some upsetting news yesterday. My sister called me yesterday to let me know that my Dad suffered an apparent stroke on Friday night into Saturday morning. We are not sure when it exactly happened but luckily he was at my sister’s house so she took him to the ER yesterday morning. My Dad is 82 and mostly has been in perfect health most of his life other than a prostate cancer scare back in his 60’s and some normal aging and signs of forgetfulness. I knew the minute my sister called and by the tone in her voice that something bad had happened. I am just thankful that my Dad/Mom were staying with my sister at the time because if this had happened when they were home alone they probably would have waited several days before doing anything.  So I sit here waiting for more news and five states away. I have called his hospital this morning and spoke with the nurse who is tending to him. She told me that he was up and eating his breakfast and that he was doing okay. I will call him back in a little bit to talk with him. I am worried that I may not see him again or that something else may happen. I try to keep these thoughts to a minimum and not upset myself too much. I know at this point in my pregnancy that it is pretty much impossible and unlikely that I would be able to drive or fly to see him so I am just hoping that he recovers quickly and that I can see him after our LO gets here. Even if that means me driving up later this summer to see him I am already thinking of when I can make a trip to New York. Thoughts of my Dad are weighing heavily on me today. I just hope he is going to be okay.

Wednesday of this past week marked 15 months since Leia’s been gone. I’m not going to lie when I say it was particularly hard this month. I don’t know if it is because I am close to the pregnancy coming to term or if I am hormonal but I spent much of the day thinking much about Leia and how I wished she was here. I guess because last weekend was Easter it also had me thinking how she would be the perfect age for an Egg Hunt and just getting used to walking around. It would have been so fun to experience this with her here.  On this day as well we had a bird in our back yard that decided to start flying into the windows of our house. He/she would perch on the window screen and then hit their beak against the window. One bird did this most of the day and no matter what part of the house I was in he/she would go to the window where I was in the house. The final straw was when I went into Leia’s bedroom and the bird was at her window. I started having these thoughts that the bird was trying to tell me something. I then left our house that day around noon and went into work. I then began to have thoughts at work that maybe something was wrong with LO. I was feeling my belly and trying to feel for movements. I know this sounds weird but I was in a panic. I couldn’t wait to get home that night and do my kick counts that gave me some relief that everything was okay.

Well I have to end this post and make a few phone calls. Thinking of all the other mommies out there and that you are all doing okay and wishing you well.