35 Weeks and Worrisome Thoughts

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had a chance to post. I’ve reached 35 weeks as of today and at our last ultrasound our LO was measuring right in the correct percentile and weighed 4lbs, 13oz. We go back in one more week for another ultrasound. The kidney issue they were watching has also resolved itself, so that was good news to hear. I also continue to go for my weekly non-stress testing every Friday. I don’t know why they call it this because every Friday is apprehension and concern that all is on track and going okay. At the appointment this past week the nurse did some extra zinging of the baby that had me worried but then she told me that the maternal fetal medicine specialist looked over the test and all was fine. For the five minutes that I had to wait for this answer I was VERY worried. As I sit here typing our LO is being very active and kicking me very hard.

So along with approaching the time when we lost Leia I also got some upsetting news yesterday. My sister called me yesterday to let me know that my Dad suffered an apparent stroke on Friday night into Saturday morning. We are not sure when it exactly happened but luckily he was at my sister’s house so she took him to the ER yesterday morning. My Dad is 82 and mostly has been in perfect health most of his life other than a prostate cancer scare back in his 60’s and some normal aging and signs of forgetfulness. I knew the minute my sister called and by the tone in her voice that something bad had happened. I am just thankful that my Dad/Mom were staying with my sister at the time because if this had happened when they were home alone they probably would have waited several days before doing anything.  So I sit here waiting for more news and five states away. I have called his hospital this morning and spoke with the nurse who is tending to him. She told me that he was up and eating his breakfast and that he was doing okay. I will call him back in a little bit to talk with him. I am worried that I may not see him again or that something else may happen. I try to keep these thoughts to a minimum and not upset myself too much. I know at this point in my pregnancy that it is pretty much impossible and unlikely that I would be able to drive or fly to see him so I am just hoping that he recovers quickly and that I can see him after our LO gets here. Even if that means me driving up later this summer to see him I am already thinking of when I can make a trip to New York. Thoughts of my Dad are weighing heavily on me today. I just hope he is going to be okay.

Wednesday of this past week marked 15 months since Leia’s been gone. I’m not going to lie when I say it was particularly hard this month. I don’t know if it is because I am close to the pregnancy coming to term or if I am hormonal but I spent much of the day thinking much about Leia and how I wished she was here. I guess because last weekend was Easter it also had me thinking how she would be the perfect age for an Egg Hunt and just getting used to walking around. It would have been so fun to experience this with her here.  On this day as well we had a bird in our back yard that decided to start flying into the windows of our house. He/she would perch on the window screen and then hit their beak against the window. One bird did this most of the day and no matter what part of the house I was in he/she would go to the window where I was in the house. The final straw was when I went into Leia’s bedroom and the bird was at her window. I started having these thoughts that the bird was trying to tell me something. I then left our house that day around noon and went into work. I then began to have thoughts at work that maybe something was wrong with LO. I was feeling my belly and trying to feel for movements. I know this sounds weird but I was in a panic. I couldn’t wait to get home that night and do my kick counts that gave me some relief that everything was okay.

Well I have to end this post and make a few phone calls. Thinking of all the other mommies out there and that you are all doing okay and wishing you well.