Sunday, May 13, 2012

Leia's Paver and Time Ticking

This past Friday was 16 months since we met our Leia and she left us.  I can't believe it has been that long. It is a different season and time of year but it all comes back. How we miss her so much and wish she were here with us each day. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes. We visited our local library to look at the paver that we made a donation to in her honor. They had just let us know that it had been completed recently. It turned out really nice and is located directly in front of the library in our town. I wish I had brought something to clean the stone off and get the sand/dust out of her name. I will be sure to do that the next time I visit or go to the library. We miss and love you sweet baby girl and not a day goes by that we don't think of you and how we wish you were here.


I am struggling, I have to admit. I am 39 weeks today and while our appointment this past Friday went well, I must admit it is so HARD to be at this point in my pregnancy. We are beyond the point of when we lost Leia so I am afraid, scared, and terrified of something happening again. I try to keep these thoughts at bay and keep busy. I do breakdown most days, have a good cry and let it all out. I don't want to be crying all the time and sad but it is all there. The memories, the outcome and wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I so hope that things continue as they have. And thankfully our doctor is back tomorrow from a week off. I know if anything had happened this past week with him away I would have been in good hands with other doctors/staff but I am glad that we have made it to a new week with him back. We wait. My hubs is constantly asking me if I am having anything similar to labor. We read books, read information on-line and just wait. I am doing kick counts two to three times a day. I am also having vivid dreams that I wake up thinking about. I dream that our LO has arrived. I dream I am going into labor. I dream that I hear a baby making some noise. I wake up and check but nothing. So just wondering about others out there who have gone through a second pregnancy and made it through. How did you do it? Going into labor and going back to the same hospital? I'd appreciate any tips or ideas on what helped you get through this very emotional time.

15 comments:

  1. The paver turned out just beautiful!

    Those last few days of pregnancy is just torture. The only things that really helped me was to have some control. For example we scheduled the induction so we had a date. Also we arranged to have a specific doctor and specific nurses. While we weren't guaranteed a perfect outcome having control of something little helped me to relax even if it was just a little. Thinking of you as you navigate this next step xxxooo

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    1. i've been keeping busy. It hasn't helped that it has been raining here the past two days. I think my nesting instinct is kicking in too. Just finished cleaning several windows on the second floor of our house. I'm resting now and reading baby books. Come on LO, need you here soon!

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  2. Yeah, I have no advice about going into labor. The waiting must be awful... Especially that far along. The last few days were super hard on me and I had an end in sight. Can't wait to hear the big news!! Hang in there!

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    1. Thanks Molly. Almost to then end. I so want my labor over and LO here. I have been following your blog but just not commenting too much. Looks like you have been busy the past couple of days. Happy Anniversary to you and your hubs.

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  3. No advice either. I wasn't willing to wait. You're a brave soul.

    That stone looks beautiful with your sweet daughter's name on it. :)

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    1. Brandy, I'm been keeping busy. I have also gotten a few recipes off your site that you've posted recently. Fortunately my hubs is the cook in our family most of the time. He is going to make the black bean polenta during the couple weeks he is home after LO gets here. Thanks for sharing them and look forward to seeing more.

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  4. waiting on pins and needles to hear that you in labor and about bring that beautiful little one into the world to love and snuggle with.

    Oh the paver for little Leia is perfect.

    I pray that the next time I talk to Nik that she will have great exciting news for me about you. Go Team Rogers!

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    1. Teri, thanks for your kind words and prayers. I'll be in touch with Nik when we have news. I probably won't blog till I am back home but we'll see how things go. Much love to you and fam!

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  5. The paver is beautiful, and I love that it's in front of a library.

    I don't have any advice on getting through the coming days because I can only imagine how difficult a pregnancy after loss must be. I'm sure it's a stomach-clenching roller coaster ride. But I am thinking of you, and hoping, hoping, hoping everything goes well.

    Love to you, your new little one, and sweet Leia. <3

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    1. I've been following your blog the past few weeks. I am so sorry about your Molly and hope you find help in reading other blogs with similar stories. That is what helped me most in knowing that others had similar stores and that you are not alone. I wish you only better days ahead.

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  6. The stone is beautiful. I don't have much advice about how to get through this part - 7 weeks behind you and I'm already jumping out of my skin to be done. I'm assuming they won't let you go post-dates...so at least you can focus on a date you won't go past, right?

    Also, we have been back a few times to the hospital where I had Elizabeth, and even visited a friend's baby in the NICU and it wasn't nearly as hard as I anticipated. Time has passed and things have changed. Hopefully it will be the same for you.

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    1. SG, thanks for your note. I love the stone too. I think it turned out great and really like the placement of it as well. I will smile each time I see it as I visit the library. Her memory and the time we had with her lives on within me always.

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  7. The stone is as perfect as it can be with your daughter's name on it. I love that it's at a library- lovely. I like to think you can visit the stone when you take this little one to the library- very sweet.

    Thinking of you, and hoping baby comes soon!!

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    1. LauraJane,
      I just made it back to the library for the first time since this post and Landon was with me. He was wide-eyed and looking around. I told him that his Daddy and Momma both love to read and that we hoped he would also like to read. I looked at Leia's paver as we were heading into the front of the library. I smiled knowing that we are honoring and thinking of her every day. << Hugs >>

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  8. The last few weeks were so incredibly difficult. I was induced both times: with Charlotte and with Alexa (my rainbow) so I didn't wait for labor. Also I chose to have different doctors and a different hospital because of the bad memories. (turns out we went back to that hospital when Alexa was 2 months old because she got sick so I didn't get to stay away like I had hoped.)

    I have no advice, but I wish you and your family the best. Thinking of you.

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