Today marks eleven months. Ugh. It seems so hard to think that this time next month will be one-year since we met and said good-bye to our Leia. I've been trying to think of what we may do or how we will honor her memory. I have a few things that I've been mulling around in my mind. My husband starts teaching on that day so I know he won't be able to take off work. I've contemplated taking off the day but now think it may be best if I do work. I need to talk this over with my husband and decide what we will do.
I've been thinking most of the day about what Leia would be doing if she were here. Next weekend marks the 1-year birthday of my neighbor's little boy that was born a month before her. This past week I've seen her several times walking him in his stroller or playing in their front yard that is across from our house. It is hard to see these moments because I get a flash of what our Leia should be experiencing. It is SO hard sometimes to see these moments and move forward in my own life. I still can't hold him or really talk to her when he is around. We went to dinner with this couple last weekend and another couple on our block. For the most part the conversations were kept to light stuff and not much mentioned about their kids. I know it must be hard for them to be around us and not talk about their kids but they are great and do the best they can. I guess that is all we can ask for.
As much as I didn't want to do the holidays this year I've struggled through getting up all our decorations and doing the best I can. If I had my way none of it would have been out this year and we could have just skipped it all. But I know that can't be done. We are having a small gathering of my husbands students over next weekend for a holiday party. We didn't have one last year because I was so far along and didn't want the extra work of having 30 people over to our house. So we will have the party and life will go on. I have not seen many of these students who work with my husband most of this year so I feel as it will be a little awkward in seeing them for the first time. One of his students and his partner have also invited us for a Christmas Eve gathering at their house but I told my husband I just can't do it. We had been to this couples house this time last year for another event and remember how many other people were their pregnant and giving us advice. I just can't put myself in that place and thankfully my husband understands.
Well I've been rambling on. My thoughts are everywhere and very scattered today. I guess that is expected. I wish our Leia was here with us and looking at our tree and experiencing all the joy that we would have given her in her life.
Love and miss you sweet baby girl.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
A Special Card
My 8-year old niece made this card and sent it to us last month. It is hanging on our fridge and I see it everyday. I love the fact that at such a young age she has done something so thoughtful and took the time to make it.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Leia's Name in the Sand
I finally got around to purchasing a picture from Carly who does the beautiful names in the sand. It came this morning in my email. I love how it turned out and can't wait to get a copy printed out and framed.
Yesterday was hard. I have so much to be thankful for however the day felt like a piece was missing. That missing piece is of course our Leia. We went to my sister-in-law's and I made every attempt to go on as usual however deep down inside of me I was missing my little girl. I ended up crying late in the day and just thinking about all that she is missing. She should be here with us celebrating her first Thanksgiving. I know she wouldn't understand any of it but it still hurts that she is not here with us.
Thinking of you always Leia.
Love you...
Yesterday was hard. I have so much to be thankful for however the day felt like a piece was missing. That missing piece is of course our Leia. We went to my sister-in-law's and I made every attempt to go on as usual however deep down inside of me I was missing my little girl. I ended up crying late in the day and just thinking about all that she is missing. She should be here with us celebrating her first Thanksgiving. I know she wouldn't understand any of it but it still hurts that she is not here with us.
Thinking of you always Leia.
Love you...
Friday, November 11, 2011
Ten Months and a Garden in Memory of Leia
It is ten months today marking the day we met our Leia. I still wake up mornings thinking of her first thing. My thoughts always go to our little girl and what she would be doing if she were at the ten-month mark. She should be alive and here with us and enjoying life. But we all know she is not and I must go on as hard as it seems.
Soon after everything had happened with our Leia I had told my husband that I wanted to plant a tree in her memory in our back yard. Since we live in the south and our spring and summers are very hot we were told that waiting till the fall would be our best bet. I had called on a landscaper a few weeks back and met with him to show him where we wanted to plant the tree and what type we had in mind. My husband was leaning toward a Japanese Maple and I was favoring a tree with some type of pink blooms that would come out in the spring time. So after meeting with him he told me that he would get back to me in a couple of days. When I didn't hear from I just figured he was busy and sooner or later he would get back to me. Then on Thursday of that same week I had gone into work earlier and the landscaper had called while I was working. I couldn't take the time to talk to him at that moment so I let his call go to voice mail, never getting a chance to listen to it. Around early afternoon I decided to dash home to let our doggie out and found the landscaper was at our house working on putting in a tree. I called my husband in a panic asking him why he would just start working on the tree without getting back to us. He suggested I go out and talk to him and find out what he was doing. Upon talking with him and after several minutes of questioning I learned that five of our neighbors had gone in on putting in a tree and some other items for a garden. I was in tears as the landscaper stammered to tell me what he was doing. I was so touched by the kind gesture our neighbors had done for us and for our Leia. That night my husband and I got home and we went out to our yard to look at the tree and garden. It was beautiful and we couldn't have asked for a more beautiful garden. We were so touch by the kindness of what all these people had done. I saw my one neighbor who I walk with daily and I gave her a big hug and thanked her for the garden. She told me then that they had all wanted to do something in the spring but they thought it might be too soon and so they had decided to wait. A Japanese Maple was the tree that was planted along with several other bushes and flowers. I intend to go out this weekend and blow away all the leaves that have fallen on the garden in the past week. I look forward to being able to enjoy the garden for years to come. I've put in a few pictures of the garden taken this past weekend and with Leia's initial stones.
Dear Leia, I wish you were here with us today. I miss and love you so much. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of you and your pretty face. You will never be forgotten little girl. Love you, Mommy
Soon after everything had happened with our Leia I had told my husband that I wanted to plant a tree in her memory in our back yard. Since we live in the south and our spring and summers are very hot we were told that waiting till the fall would be our best bet. I had called on a landscaper a few weeks back and met with him to show him where we wanted to plant the tree and what type we had in mind. My husband was leaning toward a Japanese Maple and I was favoring a tree with some type of pink blooms that would come out in the spring time. So after meeting with him he told me that he would get back to me in a couple of days. When I didn't hear from I just figured he was busy and sooner or later he would get back to me. Then on Thursday of that same week I had gone into work earlier and the landscaper had called while I was working. I couldn't take the time to talk to him at that moment so I let his call go to voice mail, never getting a chance to listen to it. Around early afternoon I decided to dash home to let our doggie out and found the landscaper was at our house working on putting in a tree. I called my husband in a panic asking him why he would just start working on the tree without getting back to us. He suggested I go out and talk to him and find out what he was doing. Upon talking with him and after several minutes of questioning I learned that five of our neighbors had gone in on putting in a tree and some other items for a garden. I was in tears as the landscaper stammered to tell me what he was doing. I was so touched by the kind gesture our neighbors had done for us and for our Leia. That night my husband and I got home and we went out to our yard to look at the tree and garden. It was beautiful and we couldn't have asked for a more beautiful garden. We were so touch by the kindness of what all these people had done. I saw my one neighbor who I walk with daily and I gave her a big hug and thanked her for the garden. She told me then that they had all wanted to do something in the spring but they thought it might be too soon and so they had decided to wait. A Japanese Maple was the tree that was planted along with several other bushes and flowers. I intend to go out this weekend and blow away all the leaves that have fallen on the garden in the past week. I look forward to being able to enjoy the garden for years to come. I've put in a few pictures of the garden taken this past weekend and with Leia's initial stones.
Dear Leia, I wish you were here with us today. I miss and love you so much. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of you and your pretty face. You will never be forgotten little girl. Love you, Mommy
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