I just came across a piece of paper that I had dated 12/29/10. I was still pregnant then with Leia and just got a flashback to that time. I just had to say to myself that I cannot believe this is my life. Life without her here. It sucks. I miss her so much and can't believe this is my reality. I wish sometimes I could just sleep the days away but I know that is not possible. Filling my days with distractions and just getting by it seems. I don't see how our life will be any better. My hubs tells me that we will have better days. Friends tell me this as well as my family. I just wonder when.
Thinking of and missing you Leia Grace. Mommy loves you so much.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Six Months
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Facebook Over a Year Ago
Many of you fellow BLM's have posted about Facebook and your experiences. I just had one that has brought tears to my eyes. You see I've found since being on FB I've reconnected with many family members and friends through the years and being able to find them on the site has been nice. But as of today I have been reminded of how a year ago I was so happy and excited for the arrival of our Leia. I have a cousin that I was in her wedding when she was married many years ago. I was her flower girl and about four years old. I've not seen this cousin probably in over five years, maybe more. I found her daughter on FB last year and sent her a note asking about her mother and how to get a hold of her. That was on June 25 of LAST year. I had sent her a message through chat and told her I really wanted to talk with her mother. I had some "important news". Well the daughter never got back to me so recently I sent another message and this one went to my cousins niece. So I guess the niece talked to her cousin who then finally sent me a message back. The problem is the message was from June 25 of LAST year. I seemed so happy and optimistic in that quick note to my cousin. I am glad I finally have my cousins contact information and I really do want to call her but it all just seems so unfair. I don't have the happy news now that I'd like to share.
For the most part as of late I have been staying off the FB. It really is more due to time issues than anything else. But like most others have said on their blogs it is "happyland". This time of year you see families and their loved ones going on vacations. Their are many pictures of babies that have just arrived. If you are in my scenario I also have friends with grandchildren already. They of course started their families right out of high school. There is nothing wrong with this it's just the life they chose. So I guess my point to this whole FB post is that while it is in general a great tool and a way to reconnect it is also a reminder of what you are missing out on. I know I've had other experiences that maybe others with families have not. I've had my choice of moving and living in several states. I've traveled and had many fun experiences. I've had MY time but now I just want a child that gives my husband and I something more to look forward to for the future. To experience the world through a child's eyes seems to be so amazing. I hope one day we have that but for now I'll keep my account on FB and log in when I can but for the most part just try to live each day looking forward and thinking positive.
Thinking of and missing you Leia. You would be almost six months old now. I can only imagine what you would be experiencing and the joy you'd be bringing to us in our lives. We love you and love you forever sweet precious baby girl Leia Grace.
For the most part as of late I have been staying off the FB. It really is more due to time issues than anything else. But like most others have said on their blogs it is "happyland". This time of year you see families and their loved ones going on vacations. Their are many pictures of babies that have just arrived. If you are in my scenario I also have friends with grandchildren already. They of course started their families right out of high school. There is nothing wrong with this it's just the life they chose. So I guess my point to this whole FB post is that while it is in general a great tool and a way to reconnect it is also a reminder of what you are missing out on. I know I've had other experiences that maybe others with families have not. I've had my choice of moving and living in several states. I've traveled and had many fun experiences. I've had MY time but now I just want a child that gives my husband and I something more to look forward to for the future. To experience the world through a child's eyes seems to be so amazing. I hope one day we have that but for now I'll keep my account on FB and log in when I can but for the most part just try to live each day looking forward and thinking positive.
Thinking of and missing you Leia. You would be almost six months old now. I can only imagine what you would be experiencing and the joy you'd be bringing to us in our lives. We love you and love you forever sweet precious baby girl Leia Grace.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Stepping Stones
I finally got Leia's stepping stones out in our back yard. I took a few pictures. The one picture that was taken further away it is hard to see Leia's initials. I like looking out our kitchen window and seeing the stones. It somehow makes me feel at peace and happy knowing they are now placed and seeing them daily. I may decide to move them around from time to time. Also, they may need to be moved inside during our colder months of the year so this is the reason I have not put them more permanently into the ground.
I hope everyone had a good 4th of July. I wish a happy week to everyone and that some of you who are waiting on some news get the positive tests and results that you all so deserve.
I hope everyone had a good 4th of July. I wish a happy week to everyone and that some of you who are waiting on some news get the positive tests and results that you all so deserve.
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